Saturday, April 30, 2011

How I spent the last two weeks beach bar hopping on the company's dime

(This appeared in the April 28, 2011 edition of "Ticket." It ran with  Sarasota County’s best waterfront bars. Yes, we checked out every Waterfront Watering Hole. Yes, we did quality control. Yes, I got paid to do it. No, you can't have my job.)
Ruth Metzler at Zeke's.
There were more than enough decorative life rings scattered throughout the place to float the passengers and crew of the Titanic. You could harvest the tiki hut grass and build yourself a lawn. Jimmy Buffett was telling us it was five o’clock somewhere.
But the only water in sight was puddled in the parking lot. Memo: To be a Charlotte County Waterside Watering Hole you need water. Real water. A bay or a gulf will work. Even a river. Runoff from the car wash down the street doesn’t count.
For the past two weeks we traveled the length of Charlotte County and beyond, searching out Waterside Watering Holes from the Peace River to the Myakka, from Lemon Bay to Boca Grande Pass. We interviewed bartenders and patrons. We did quality control. We probably did a little too much quality control.
We gave up on the idea of ranking our Waterside Watering Holes top 10-style after the third or fourth stop. Do enough quality control and your favorite Waterside Watering Hole tends to be the one where your posterior is presently parked.
Our requirements were demanding: Water? Check. Bar? Check. Beer? Check. Lots of beer? You get the idea.
If your favorite missed the list — and remember, we’re only talking Charlotte County — it’s either an oversight, it’s more eatery than watering hole, or there’s a reason it missed the list. Like no water. Still, you can add your own favorites in the comments below.
So here it is. The order is random, except where intentional.
Harpoon Harry’s
1200 W. Retta Esplanade, Suite D6, Punta Gorda. 637-1177;harpoonharrys.com


Overlooking the Peace River at Fisherman’s Village in Punta Gorda, this Waterside Watering Hole whispers “tourist trap” at first blush. Tourist? Sure. Trap? We discovered we were in for a surprise.


Once you conquer the suspicion that Harry’s is a place trying way too hard to look like a place that’s not trying way too hard, you can actually settle back and enjoy the panoramic view of the Peace River without having to raise the limit on your platinum card.
While only slightly smaller than the Space Shuttle Assembly Building, Harry’s does a good job of subdividing the real estate. It features multiple bars. Our favorite was tucked away in a far corner so close to the water you might want to call ahead for a Coast Guard incident number.
A generous pitcher of draft – among the largest we encountered – is $8. The beer selection is ample. Our bartender kept the show running like a machine. The patrons are a friendly mix of locals and Up North ex-pats. There’s live entertainment Friday and Saturday nights.
General Manager Tammy Beck says Harry’s strives to be more than a snowbird magnet. “We’ve worked very hard to update our menu with economically priced items to meet what the locals need price-wise and quality-wise,” she says.
Becky Goss makes the trip from Grand Rapids, Mich., to Punta Gorda at least once a year. And Harpoon Harry’s has become a tradition. Especially the Margaritas.
“They’re refreshing, sweet, salty and delicious,” she says. “I like to sit here, watch the water and enjoy the sun. Good food, good drink and good people.”
  • Attire: Casual.
  • Ambiance: It grows on you.
  • Price: Reasonable.
  • Quality: Excellent.
  • Bar Crowd: Tourists and locals.
  • Negatives: A little sparse on parking. But worth the walk.
  • Docking: Yes.
  • Smoking: At the outside bars.
  • Comments: Add it to your bucket list.
  • Waterside Watering Hole Rating: Five flip flops.

Zeke’s Bayside Bar & Grill

779 W. Wentworth, Englewood. 475-6882; royalpalmmarina.com
Zeke’s is one of those places that if you didn’t know it was there, you wouldn’t know it was there. Located off Old Englewood Road at the Royal Palm Marina, this waterside watering hole has managed to fly below the radar while becoming a favorite among locals for its comfort food and ample selection of domestic and imported beers.
The place will never be confused with a tourista tiki bar. It’s more like your corner tavern with a view of Lemon Bay. All that’s missing is the five-quart jar of pickled pigs ears. The locals are friendly and will make you feel at home.
Tables are located waterside, great for an informal lunch or a pitcher of Ultra while soaking up the sun. The three-sided bar is cozy and familiar.
Beth Perkins of Boca Grande is a Zeke’s regular. “I’ve been coming here for seven years. It’s way out of the way and I like the ambiance,” she says. “It’s kind of laid back, Old Florida style – and it’s on the water. What more do you need?”
Johnna Wentzel bought Zeke’s in 2009 and has worked next to her husband Dale to turn this Waterside Watering Hole around.
“It’s Old Florida,” she echoes. “We want to keep it that way, just like it is. We love the area and the people.” Look for live entertainment Wednesday through Saturday nights and Sunday afternoons. You’ll find a DJ on Tuesdays. Open daily at 11 a.m.
  • Attire: Anything goes. Almost.
  • Ambiance: Did anyone mention Old Florida?
  • Price: Very reasonable.
  • Quality: No complaints.
  • Bar crowd: Mostly locals.
  • Negatives: Parking can be an issue in season. A sign or two would be nice.
  • Docking: Yes.
  • Smoking: Throughout.
  • Comments: Another one for the bucket list.
  • Waterside Watering Hole Rating: Five flip flops.
White Elephant Pub
1855 Gulf Blvd., Englewood. 475-6801
Like Harry’s, it’s big. Like Harry’s, it doesn’t matter. We never did find all the bars inside this meandering Waterside Watering Hole. Our favorite was the L-shaped thing right on the water. We were flanked on the inside and outside by tables.
As a Buffett clone smothered an acoustic version of “Son of a Son of a Sailor,” we dutifully began doing quality control. When the pitcher arrived, however, we wondered what it wanted to be when it grew up. Four beers? And while the ambiance was OK, it came at a price.
The Elephant is the anti-Zeke’s. Locals can find something to like, and they do, but you can’t swing a legal grouper over your head without hitting a tourist. Still, we liked the place.
The bartender was fast and friendly – but seemed a bit stressed for a place trying to do laid back – and you’re surrounded by people clearly having a good time. If you can handle the tab, it’s a great way to spend lunch hour – or a bunch of hours – soaking up the sun and the view.
Note: The Elephant’s parking lot is free. It blends into a county parking lot that isn’t. Confusing the two can be very costly.
  • Attire: Casual.
  • Ambiance: Pretty good, actually.
  • Price: Our only complaint. Food was reasonable. But this ain’t about food.
  • Quality: No complaints.
  • Bar Crowd: Tends towards touristy, but the locals were there.
  • Negatives: Parking, again. And what’s with the pitchers?
  • Docking: Yes.
  • Smoking: Here and there.
  • Comments: Pricey, but worth a look.
  • Waterside Watering Hole Rating: Three, maybe four, flip flops.
Waterside Grill15001 Gasparilla Road, Placida. 697-2280; gasparillamarina.com
Located at Gasparilla Marina on Gasparilla Road in Placida, the Waterside is one of those places you can’t help but like, even if you aren’t entirely sure why.
No plastic palms, no tiki fringe. Just a solid little saloon and restaurant overlooking Charlotte Harbor. The bar is inside, just dark enough to remind you that you’re in a bar. But wander through the doors to the large outside area and you’ve officially entered Waterfront Watering Hole territory.
Unlike the White Elephant, the pitchers here are big boy-sized. And they’re not going to bust the budget. You can also order wine by the carafe. Entertainment consists of watching folks try to launch their boats from the adjacent ramp. There are outdoor air conditioners sprinkled throughout for those days when the heat is homicidal.
Located just beyond the causeway, the Waterside has become a favorite among Boca Grande residents who once risked being subjected to public humiliation if spotted squandering their trust funds off-island. The economy’s been tough on everyone. The Waterside is the cure.
The nacho platter is a great value, and is a perfect prophylaxis for an afternoon of intense and extended quality control. The service couldn’t be friendlier and the ambiance is provided by the laughter of people just having a good time.
Maybe that’s why we like it.
  • Attire: Casual.
  • Ambiance: Kind of a mystery.
  • Price: Very reasonable.
  • Quality: Great.
  • Bar Crowd: Locals, peppered with a few tourists.
  • Negatives: An outside bar would be nice.
  • Docking: Yep.
  • Smoking: Outside.
  • Comments: Still not sure why we like this place so much.
  • Waterside Watering Hole Rating: Four flip flops.
Stump Pass Grille260 Maryland Ave., Englewood. 697-0859; stumppassgrille.com
Stump Pass Grille is located off Placida Road at Stump Pass Marina. Keep an eye posted for the sign. The best bet is to turn onto Maryland Avenue, but plan on a drive-by or two.
The locals are still complaining about the swimming pool. It’s gone. Beyond repair, it was paved over with concrete and tables. Regardless, Stump Pass is still a bonafide Waterside Watering Hole.
The bar is to your left as you enter the place, but the bar isn’t this watering hole’s focal point. The table seating at Stump Pass is the definition of waterside. Under cover in the summer, or under the sun during the low-UV months, a great place to do quality control while watching the boats buzz by on Lemon Bay.
While the place borders on semi-touristy, the locals don’t seem to care. And a large beer selection and fair prices keep them coming back. Getting to the restrooms, however, requires some advance planning, a GPS and a passport. But you can check out the catch of the day while waiting your turn next to the cleaning station.
  • Attire: Casual.
  • Ambiance: A chamber of commerce view.
  • Price: Very reasonable.
  • Quality: No complaints.
  • Bar Crowd: Mixed.
  • Negatives: That parking thing again. A second bar near the water would be an idea. Restrooms are a hassle, but …
  • Docking: Yes.
  • Smoking: Throughout.
  • Comments: Not on the bucket list, but give it a go.
  • Waterside Watering Hole Rating: Four flip flops.
Farlow’s on the Water
2080 S. McCall Road, Englewood. 474-5343; farlowsonthewater.com


Located on South McCall Road, Farlow’s is an enigma: Part Waterside Watering Hole, part restaurant, part something else.
At Farlow’s, it’s mostly about food. But there’s nothing stopping you from making the place a Waterside Watering Hole. Grab an outside table or a stool at the small tiki bar, especially after the dinner rush is over, and listen to live music under the stars. Unlike most of our Waterside Watering Holes, Farlow’s boasts a full bar.
It makes the list because it pretty much has to make the list, even if it’s not sure it wants to make the list. Or cares. But it’s a favorite with the locals. And, its name aside, you probably didn’t know there was water this far inland.
Farlow’s says its attire is “anything goes,” but not really. Casual gets you through the door. Anything less gets you a job in the kitchen. Prices are reasonable, the people are friendly, the view is great – but Farlow’s is in no real danger of ever being confused with a Harrys or a Zeke’s. And we reckon it doesn’t want to be.
  • Attire: On the dressy side of casual
  • Ambiance: Still deciding.
  • Price: Reasonable.
  • Quality: Excellent.
  • Bar Crowd: Mostly locals.
  • Negatives: Not a true watering hole, but close enough.
  • Docking: No.
  • Smoking: Nobody was.
  • Comments: Not on the Waterside Watering Hole bucket list.
  • Waterside Watering Hole Rating: Three flip flops, maybe four. Five for the food. But this ain’t about food.
220 Harbor Drive, Boca Grande. 964-8000, eaglegrille.com
A $5 trip across the Boca Grande Swing Bridge and Causeway takes you to Miller’s Dockside at the Boca Grande Marina on Harbor Drive. Like its neighbor South Beach, this Waterside Watering Hole is actually located in Lee County due to some Old Florida-style gerrymandering.


Miller’s has seen it all over the years. It burned down. It’s former owner was hauled off in ‘cuffs for alligator poaching. For a few weeks it carried the unfortunate name “Poon Saloon.” And it was the birthplace of tarpon snagging as an organized sport. Then there was Hurricane Charley. It has somehow managed to survive.
Miller’s Dockside is the marina’s Waterside Watering Hole. The first clue is the name. No outside bar, but the table next to you is likely bolted to a fishing boat. The Dockside stretches the length of the sprawling marina that roared back after taking a direct hit during the 2004 storm.
Fishing guides and millionaires rub shoulders on the deck as they watch the yachts and charter boats slide through the bayou that borders Charlotte Harbor. There’s a full bar inside, but pink paper parasols aren’t what the Dockside is about. And considering this is Boca Grande, prices are reasonable and local-friendly.
The Dockside hosts many of the post-tournament parties during tarpon season. Feel free to mingle.
This is a working marina, and the gurgling bait well a few feet away isn’t ornamental. Plus, there aren’t too many places around where you can watch dinner make the trip from boat to broiler. But this ain’t about food.
  • Attire: Casual.
  • Ambiance: Not pretentious.
  • Price: You’re in Boca Grande.
  • Quality: Great.
  • Bar Crowd: Trust fund babies and fishing guides.
  • Waterside Watering Hole Rating: Four flip flops.
  • Negatives: No outside bar.
  • Docking: All you could ever want.
  • Smoking: Not really.
  • Comments: It’s worth the trip.
Flounders
1975 Beach Road, Englewood. 460-8280; floundersonthebeach.com


Formerly a bunch of other places, Flounders is the latest Waterside Watering Hole to park itself on this stretch of revolving-door Englewood Beach real estate. But this one might just solve the identity crisis for good.
Set on a canal within earshot of the Beach Road roundabout and its inevitable fender-benders, Flounders boasts inside and outside bars. The outside main bar is tiny, but there are plenty of tables nearby. This includes the thatched umbrella numbers next to the trucked-in beach that boasts the only corn hole court to cross our path. Add one flip flop. There is also a microscopic tiki bar tucked under the palms next to the “beach.” It wasn’t open.
A trucked-in beach and cornhole. 
You won’t find a hint of touristy at Flounders. There’s no hinting. Flounders is touristy. And it makes no apologies. But this chest-thumping doesn’t seem to discourage the locals who have made the place a regular stop simply because it’s fun and they like it.


Prices, however, aren’t touristy. And the list of specials makes Flounders even more local-friendly. This includes one stupor-inducing concoction consisting of a bunch of something mixed with a whole lot of something else served in a pitcher along with a note to your boss.

Whatever it is, it’s clearly Waterside Watering Hole material. We opted to pass on the quality control.
Lots of draft beer, but no pitchers. Full bar, no parasols. Happy hour is 2 to 6 p.m. Rum Runners are the most popular, according to barkeep Richard Garncarz.
Parking, of course, can be a challenge. But show us a place with lots of parking and we’ll show you a Wal-Mart.
  • Attire: Casual.
  • Ambiance: A little manufactured, but nobody seemed to mind.
  • Price: Surprisingly good. A mug sets you back $3, a buck and a half prior to 6 p.m.
  • Quality: No issues.
  • Bar Crowd: Après beach and locals.
  • Waterside Watering Hole Rating: Four flip flops. Five for the corn hole.
  • Negatives: Give the tiki bar some steroids.
  • Docking: Nearby.
  • Smoking: We think so.
  • Comments: Almost makes the bucket list.
South Beach Bar and Grille
777 Gulf Blvd., Boca Grande. 964-0765, southbeachbarandgrille.com


The former Laff-A-Lott on Gulf Boulevard has lost much of its local luster in recent years. But considering we already forked over the $5 toll (see Dockside, Millers), we decided to remind ourselves why South Beach remains a tourista hot spot.
Oh, yeah. The view. The bar and restaurant are on the beach, flanked by two state parks that provide isolation and parking. Beyond the beach is the Gulf of Mexico. The place was semi-immortalized by Jim Morris, the self-described Jimmy Buffett of Punta Gorda.
The bar is inside. But diners can distract themselves with the view from the patio and deck – especially the sunsets. There is no outside bar, almost a pre-requisite for a five flip flop Waterfront Watering Hole rating

Cuddling up to a Killian’s Red isn’t cheap. Nor is anything else. The price of a mug at Zeke’s wouldn’t cover the down payment on the same brew at South Beach. But did we mention the view?

Attire: Casual. Leave your bathing suit outside. No, wait 

Ambiance: Nice view. The hand-painted tables rock. And there’s the view.
Price: The view is worth a million dollars. Everything else is slightly less expensive.
Quality: Nice view.
Bar Crowd: People who aren’t locals who really like views.
Waterside Watering Hole Rating: Two flip flops.
Negatives: No view once the sun sets.
Docking: Only if you run aground on the sandy part of the view.
Smoking: Leave table, stand in surf, light up, enjoy view.
Comments: Did we mention the view?
Nav-A-Gator9700 SW Riverview Circle, Lake Suzy, 627-3474, nav-a-gator.com
Named the nation’s top “trop rock” watering hole for the past three years, Nav-A-Gator is located two miles outside Charlotte County in Lake Suzy on the Peace River. It defies description. Walk into the bar and you’re immediately greeted with “welcome to the Nav-A-Gator” by a voice that actually seems glad you’re there. And they are.


Where else can you ride a fiberglass alligator while doing quality control on a hot April afternoon?  You’re not going to confuse the place with a Harpoon Harry’s or anywhere else. The Nav-A-Gator is the Nav-A-Gator.
A pitcher of Ultra from the full bar is just $6.25. There is no outside bar (but there is a sign proclaiming “tiki bar”), but you and 50 of your closest friends can pitch in and rent the Chiki Hut a few hundred feet upstream. What you do next is up to you and local law enforcement. And the place has its own seaplane dock. And because it’s a marina, you can sit inside at the bar – barefoot.
You can get all kinds of cool Waterside Watering Hole things you can’t find at any other Waterside Watering Hole. You can rent canoes, take a boat tour, rent a cottage, go on a gator tour, get an airboat ride … and that’s just for starters. There’s live music every weekend with no cover. Just bring a canned food donation and you’re in.
  • Attire: Whatever.
  • Ambiance: Redneck Margaritaville, but extremely friendly.
  • Price: Cheap.
  • Bar Crowd: Whatever wanders through the door.
  • Negatives: Enough with the Jim Morris on the hi-fi, other than that we dare you to find one.
  • Docking: Yes.
  • Smoking: Outside.
  • Comments: Put it on the bucket list.
  • Waterside Watering Hole Rating: Four flip flops. No, make it five.