Wednesday, June 8, 2011

'Attack of the Wiener Man' - there's no substitute for a little luck and great timing

Here Come the Mummies are not only dead, they're apparently psychic. Their song, "Attack of the Wiener Man" puts the "i" before the "e," but the timing couldn't be better. The song was recorded long before U.S. Rep. Anthony Weiner, D-NY, decided to launch his own attack of the "e" before "i" Weiner Man.

Are the Mummies letting this opportunity pass them by? Of course not. They're marketing, with help from PhotoShop, their "Attack of the Wiener Man" t-shirt for $15 on their website:

"He is gonna get you ... and when he does, you are going to look sexy in this classic ringer shirt. As part of a public service announcement (in conjunction with the term's of Spaz's parole) we are putting this one on sale for a limited time. A portion of proceeds will go towards making society a little more accepting of grab-ass congressmen."

The video captures them playing the tune on the nationally syndicated Bob and Tom radio show. It has nothing whatsoever to do with a New York congressman. Not when it was recorded, that is. Here's our story about the band's April gig in Punta Gorda.

Here's the recorded studio version minus the Bob and Tom happy talk. Caution: It's loud, and the lyrics might not be entirely safe for work. But that kind of depends on where you work. Just plug in the headphones or turn down the speakers.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Bank learns a lesson: Next time rent your stuff

Todd Allen with client
Maureen Nyerges outside the
Naples BofA branch.
Naples attorney Todd Allen lived the dream last week. Allen is the lawyer who made news when he turned up at a local Bank of America branch with a court order, a rental truck, a sheriff's deputy and an ultimatum.

Pay up or you'll never see your furniture again.

He was there to collect the $5,772.88 BOA owed his clients Warren and Maureen Nyerges for court costs and legal fees tied to the bank's unrelenting efforts to foreclose on the house the couple owned free and clear.

And he was prepared to be paid in furniture. The bank's furniture. Everything from the institutional sofas in the lobby to the mahogany veneer in the branch manager's office.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Yes, Sarah, you did 'mess up about Paul Revere'

"You know what, I didn't mess up about Paul Revere," former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin said on "Fox News Sunday."

'We're coming! We're coming!'
And she just might have something of an argument. Not much, but something. If you squint real hard and pretend. And you're on Sarah's payroll.

Palin raised a few squinted eyebrows when she claimed the purpose of Revere's famous "midnight ride" of 1775 was to send a warning of some sort to the British.

"Part of his ride was to warn the British that we were already there ..." the 2008 GOP vice presidential nominee told Fox News anchor Chris Wallace.

And, technically, she was right. Confused, but right. If only she had stopped there. She didn't, of course. We're talking Sarah Palin.

On April 14, 1775, Gen. Thomas Gage, the military governor of Massachusetts, issued orders to Lt. Col. Francis Smith to secretly march a detachment of troops - known as "regulars" - to seize and destroy "all military stores" kept by the Massachusetts militia - known as "irregulars" - in the village of Concord. Within hours the secret was out. The only question was when?

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Local legislator's political grandstanding just cost us $781,000 - and climbing

The Florida House and Senate will spend more than $50 million for "legislative support services" in the coming fiscal year. Perhaps our lawmakers should consider actually listening to the people they're paying to do this work.

There were 64 bills that made it through the House and Senate this past session. The tab for getting this legislation to the governor's desk works out to about $781,000 per bill. And that’s in support services alone.

This price tag includes a legion of analysts hired to write and translate legislation into language our elected lawmakers can understand. Among other things, they figure out what each bill will cost the taxpayers, how each bill will affect you and me, and the potential impact the legislation will have on state agencies.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Scott treats himself to a $50 million windfall as he signs constitutionally DOA drug-testing law

Gov. Rick Scott said Tuesday that "it is unfair for Florida taxpayers to subsidize drug addiction." What he neglected to say, however, is that it's apparently not unfair for Florida taxpayers to unwittingly subsidize his family's business interests.

Scott's comments came as he signed into law legislation requiring the 60,000 or so Floridians receiving benefits through the federal Temporary Assistance for Needy Families program to line up and pee into little plastic cups.

“This new law will encourage personal accountability and will help to prevent the misuse of tax dollars,” Scott said in a statement issued following the signing. Prevent the misuse of tax dollars?

At an average $42 a pop, the law effectively triggers a $2.5 million annual windfall for the state's drug testing industry. And 90 percent of that money - probably more - will ultimately come out of your pocket.